thursday's 7 // things we need to stop glorifying

A Wildflowers Home // Journal // Blog // thursday's 7 // 7 things we need to stop glorifying // thinned, weightless, youth, body positivity, depression, anxiety, success, hollywood, getting drunk @bodyposipanda

I'm starting a little series called Thursday's 7. Every Thursday I'll share 7 things. To educate, entertain, help, wonder and love. I hope you'll enjoy it. If you've got some suggestion you'd like me to write about, leave them in the comments. Some will be short others will be a little longer like this. It'll be interesting to cover lots of subjects. Can't wait to begin!

I'll start the series with a rather heavy topic; 7 things we need to stop glorifying. 

  • youth - in the media, commercials, hollywood.. they all flood with young young people. I'm pretty sure over half the lotions we can buy nowadays advertise with being anti-wrinkle or anti-age. Why are we so afraid of getting old? Why do we take it as an insult if people think we look older than we are? Why do we take it as a compliment when people think we look younger than we are? Looking young or youthful isn't the only kind of beauty and it doesn't equal health nor success. We aren't outdated until we start acting like we are and letting it limit us. 
     
  • thinness and weight loss. (if you've struggled with ED; triggers may come, so if you're vulnerable in that area, proceed with caution or skip this part) Those times when I've lost weight enough for people to notice (compliment) it's usually because I had a period where I almost didn't eat. I remember one time, I was 17 and just started 1st year of gymnasium (the Danish school system is different from the US/UK, but it's a combo of high school and college) and I was crushing on this boy who mostly liked thin/"hot" girls. I never thought I'd measure up to his standards (turns out I didn't in the end, anyway, but that's another story), but a mix of wanting him to be attracted to me, falling in "love" and society's (stupid) beauty standards I managed to convince my mind and stomach that I didn't need to eat. I think I eat only around 25%-50% of what I normally eat and what probably should be healthy. Not. Healthy. At. All. I'm not gonna talk about how much I lost, but it was enough for people to start noticing - and complimenting me. I'm pretty sure the complimenters did it with their best intentions, but if you look at how and why I lost the weight (and I wasn't overweight btw) it wasn't healthy! And changing yourself for someone to like you. Then is it really you that they'll like? it's crazy that we live in a society and culture where not eating is considered culturally acceptable and not only that it's actually a great accomplishment. Not. Healthy. At. All. I've heard people losing a lot of weight during their chemo-treatment and receive compliments. I know people who live healthy normal lives and workout, but because they aren't thing enough for societies beauty standards they're considered "unhealthy".
    We weren't put on this earth to be attractive to everyone. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure that's pretty impossible. 
    Wuah, can you tell I'm passionate about this? I've already deleted half of it and started a new blog post with my body image story. (That'll be up shortly!) 
    If you're struggling yourself can I recommend Megan Jaybe Crabbe? She made a video with Grace called "why is everyone so obsessed with being thin?" She's @bodyposipanda on instagram and has a blog. She also wrote a book. You can get on Amazon right here. (affiliate link). In my August favourites, I also talk a little about another brilliant bopo-babe Allison.
     
  • depression + anxiety - it may be mostly in the teenage-culture and on Tumblr, but this needs to stop. Depression and anxiety are two very serious mental illnesses. Depression has killed people and anxiety have made people miserable for decades. It's not something to be glorified!
     
  • making Hollywood the only types of success - being in Hollywood and on every front paper does not equal success and it does not mean you're happy. Earning big money or singing to huge crowds isn't the only types of success. Celebrities, musicians, actors etc. aren't "perfect" human beings, so let's stop worshipping them just because *everyone* knows their name. There's nothing wrong with being famous, but the society we live in worships them and put them on sky-high pedestals. Which isn't fair to anyone. No one can live up to those "perfect" standards. Success looks different to each person. We can define our own success. Doing what you love surrounded by who you love is a pretty good definition of success for me.
     
  • getting wasted aka drunk -  I had a friend of mine who didn't drink any alcohol at all. His classmates didn't get it, neither respected it, so they tried to trick him into drinking by "jumping" on him from behind and putting a beer bottle into his mouth. That's not okay. If someone said they didn't want cake we wouldn't try to stuff their mouths with cake, would we?  Why is it so "glamorous" to drink yourself so drunk you barely have control over what you do? I've never really enjoyed alcohol and I've never been drunk. I've been stared at like I was crazy or being labelled as boring because I simply said "no thanks" when offered a beer. At a social event at my new school, we weren't allowed alcohol, one of my classmates argued he was a shy guy and couldn't open up and be social before he'd at least had a few beers. Really? So you're relying on alcohol to be social? For many people, fun & alcohol go hand in hand. I know people who can't have fun without alcohol. What a sad sad life. I've never been drunk and I've had plenty of fun. The best parties I've attended or hosted have been alcohol-free. And are the ones remembered! Bonus: no hangover.
    If this somehow made a reaction in you - good or bad, you want to learn more about it or you want a perspective from someone who actually enjoys alcohol I highly recommend listening to Lucy Moon chat about alcohol, her relationship with it, being an alcoholic and going totally sober. I'll link 2 videos here and here.
     
  • being busy - don't we all know that one person, who's always too busy. Or don't have time to meet up until the month after the next month *heavy eye roll*. I think this has so much to do with prioritizing. I don't get why people are busy. I understand there are seasons (i.g. having a newborn or preparing, preparing for a big exam etc.) where the resources and energy may not be on top, that's not what or when I'm talking about. Filling a schedule so full you don't have time to think or feel, just makes me wonder what you're running from? I wanna share I quote with you; "I don't say no because I'm busy, I say no because I don't want to be busy" (source). This is a quote I wanna live by. I also think this quote from Alice in Wonderland is brilliant: "the hurrier I go, the behinder I get". (source)
     
  •  numbers - whatever is in our bank account, the number of facebook "friends", the number on the weight scale or followers on social media. Numbers don't define us. No matter big or small. Someone isn't cooler or better just because they have 100 more friends on facebook or 10k more followers on instagram. Let's preach this to ourselves and our (future, at least for me though) kids!

 

I'd love to spark some conversation in the comments. What are your thoughts on this? Are there other things we as a society need to stop glorifying? Do you disagree with something I wrote? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Be kind, though!


That's all. Until next time..

// Line Thybo xx

9 reasons why I deleted my facebook

NB! please read this first. I'm not against facebook. I'm not paid to neither do or write this. I don't necessarily think facebook is a bad thing. It can - if used right - be a great tool. I'm simply trying to turn down the social-media game. Step-by-step. Facebook is neither the worst thing (or just a bad thing) that happened to me, I was on their for almost 10 years - that should prove it. I write this to share my thoughts and hopefully provoke you a little to think & reflect on how also you use your social-media and time. My goal is not for you to delete your facebook like me, but to share what it looks like on the other side of facebook. In my experience, that side of the story isn't the one that's told the most.

 

first // full of unnecessary content

Facebook is almost too predictable at times. Oh, it's christmas time? I think I figured from all the christmas trees floating around.. First snow? Don't even need to look out the window. The list goes on; new years eve, graduation, vacation, engagement, weddings.. And for some reason we think we need to know, FOMO (fear of missing out) I guess, but honestly.. I think we can live a happy life without seeing everyones christmas trees and I hate to break it to you, but the firework is more beautiful in real life than behind an iPhone-screen. Try to embrace the moment. That lesson was just as much to me as to you my dear reader. And if you even go outside (or just look out the window) you can see the snow in 3D! (it will be like old christmas movies, promise) And if you touch the snow it will be like Frozen "Do you wanna build a snowmaaaaaan?" Amazing, huh? I think being present and enjoying the moment is a rare feeling these days, unfortunately. Let's practise that.
 

second // stalking

oh, please don't get me started. I guess we're all guilty of this one at some kind of level, but honestly.. I actually want people to get to know me irl, not based on my facebook-profile. 
But with that said I gotta admit, it also has it benefits, heh. What was his name again? Is she working there still? yeah yeah yeah, we've all been there!

**fun fact! what I miss most about the "stalking" part is seeing how many friends I have in common with other friends. Especially new friends or if someone just moved somewhere I know people. Idk why, but I guess we've all been like: How do THEY know each other? haha.
 

third // "ruining" the natural cycle

I read an article ones about how people naturally come in and out of our life's. Some are there for shorter periods (nothing wrong with that!). Maybe because of a schools, neighbourhoods, summer-jobs, camps or friends friends. Who knows? And others might be there for a lifetime - no hocus pocus, it's just the natural way of life. (a a little dash of engaging in people's life) He (I think it was a he) talked about how social media, especially facebook kinda "ruining" this cycle, because now - many years later - we have the opportunity to "keep in touch" with old classmates, childhood-friends we haven't seen since we were 7 or maybe even an ex. People we might have been meant to let go of. Let me just make this straight: There is no shame in letting go of people who are just not meant to be in your life anymore. But no need to be rude, people do have feelings. But be brave, people need to hear the truths.
Which leads me to the next point on my list: 
 

fourth // "fake" friends

While I had facebook I occasionally deleted people from my friend-list. Oh no you didn't! Yes, I actually did. Here's the reason: I had this rule; if it would be awkward/unnatural meeting someone on the street or worse; I (or that person) would hide in order to avoid each other - then WHY in the world are we "friends" on facebook?! Fake friends? Ain't nobody got time for that!? 
Another "rule" that's similar to the one above is asking yourself if you can call them without it being weird or awkward. (unless you, like me, have a fear of calling people, than this might be a bad question)
 

fifth // tagging

Lately one of the new "things" on facebook is tagging people on photos, videos or memes that either remind you of them, an intern joke or whatever. It can be fun, it can be hyped, but also just a liiiiiittle annoying when all those weird photos, memes or videos are all over & are just so incredible waste of valuable time. Unless it's about you. And it makes you laugh. Cause laughter makes life longer. & it's healthy. But all other than that; unnecessary and very time-consuming. So that defiantly won't be missed!

 

sixth // what she said

I have beautiful friend a whom wisdom and knowledge I admire, so when she also decided to delete facebook I wanted to hear her reasons and opinions on why she decided to delete facebook (it's translated from danish, but I translated it as accurate as I could) and hopefully it is also interesting and inspiring to you: 
 

"In general because that the news feed and everything that comes with it contains unnecessary and quite irrelevant informations, that I can live without just fine. It's not something I've used a lot of time on before, but I just wanted to remove it, from my life."

I told her I absolutely agree, and she continued her wise words..

"I actually think Facebook is a good platform to share messages and events etc,. which is super good if you have an intention to it. And if you'd like to see a little from your friends life, despite distance. But now an inflammation happened, I think, and therefor it's now primarily self-promotion og image it's about, and I think many to some kind of level live through their facebook-me. And that's not healthy. So I'd like to get away from that for a good while." 
- Malene Bech

 

seventh // self-promotion

Like Malene Bech said above, "..it's now primarily self-promotion og image it's about, and I think many to some kind of level live through their facebook-me." Have you ever been scrolling through the feed observing people competing to get your attention with new profile pictures, "perfect" love or fun fun vacations? It's almost exhausting at times and maybe you're even wondering about how much of it is actually real? Or what's going on behind the camera? I'm not talking about being suspicious about everything. That might be even more exhausting. But just because someone managed to smile on one photo (or 5) doesn't mean that 2 weeks with 4 kids was only smiles. I mean. It's life!! Nothing to be ashamed of. An no, ofc people don't want to film the arguments or share the blurry photos. But guys, That doesn't mean everything is perfect. We're humans. And sometimes we need to remind ourselves about that. Who are the person we are putting out there? I don't wanna be Miss Perfect. My goal is to be Miss Authentic. I'm not saying I'm better, I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to be intentional. Honestly, I got so tired of all of self-promotion that I ended up not posting at all. And later on deleting facebook. 
I like hearing real stories. I want to be more intentional about knowing people for who they are, not who facebook (or other people) say they are. I love how this quote puts it which I think is very timely for these social-media-time:

The reason we struggle with insecurities because we compare our behind-the-scene with everyone else's highlights reel.

 

eighth // rebel

I have to admit; I like the rebellious feeling I get out of this. I almost feel like I go against the whole society. Hah. Like this quote is stating..

Rebellion is when you look society in the face and say I understand who you want me to be, but I’m going to show you who I actually am.
— Anthony Anaxagorou

I might not be that "rebellious", buuut.. let me have my fun. I like going against the crowds, go where not many people go. By deleting facebook I feel like I go the opposite direction of a lot people, that not said I'm not on other social media (I'm a big lover of Instagram, & yes I think you should follow me), but in my experience facebook is the most common social-media-platform. 
 

ninth // the PPP (profile picture pressure)

Do you ever feel the thrill of uploading your new profile pic? Am I getting likes enough? Is that person gonna like it? Does it look like I'm trying to hard? Am I pretty enough? Am I gonna get more likes than the previous one? More likes than that person? Did I edit the colours too much? I can't be the only one finding this pressure  kinda exhausting? Also a little exciting. My adrenalin is surely pumping. And then when the likes starts coming. Oh shit. You are kinda showing your face to the whole world wide web. Can feel a bit vulnerable. So I did it less & less. Facebook even reminded me to change my picture cause it's been so long. Weird. Ironic. So yeah, not having to worry about that anymore is a relief.

 

So I hope this have provoked you (just a bit), made you rethink your thinking, inspired you, even made laugh (come on!) and made you reflect about your choices and being more intentional with your time. 

If there is something you don't understand, want me to tell more about or just simply wanna ask a question. Please don't hesitate to ask (!!!) in the comment section below, contact, mail or through Instagram. I would loooove to get a conversation going. But please be kind. We're all people here. With feelings. And we all need to respect that. Thanks for reading ALL of that. You're awesome!
 

xx Line