when things doesn't go as expected // part 1

It’s been almost a year now, since I left Poland.

For those of you who don’t know, in 2016 I was interning, a good handful of months, at a missionary base in Lublin.

I ended up having to interrupt the stay, to take care of myself and my health.
Especially my mental health.
(If you follow me along on my instagram, where I try to be open and vulnerable, in terms of helping others feel less alone, and breaking some taboos, you probably know some of what I’m talking about.)

Even though most of the reason why I burned out, happened before I even went to Poland, it was still in Poland I burned out. Crashed. Burned. Said stop. Finally took the decision to stop this madness.

Things probably would have been different in Poland, if all the "stuff" before Poland, hadn’t happened, but things could also have ended a lot different, if my time in Poland wouldn't have been so difficult.

Anyways..

It wasn’t until a couple of weeks after I left Poland, settled down, breathed and tried to let go of all the pressure.. that everything came crashing down. I was so relieved for it to be over, but it was like all the feelings I hadn’t let myself feel in a very long time, (maybe even my whole life) came up to the surface.
I no longer had the energy to stuff them down. Put a lid on. Not even filter them. 
I was feeling all the feels, I was having all the emotions.. at the same time. All the time. No breaks. 
They all came, like a big flock of wild horses. Running. Over me. 
it was  O V E R W H E L M I N G  to say it the least. 
It was unexpected, but then again.. how could I possibly know what to expect. 

So you can say, it hasn’t been an easy ride.
 

I feel like I've healed enough for me to be able to make an official closure to it. 
There will probably be things I will process for the rest of my life, but I like putting a closure on things. Make a formal good bye, so I have a clear or physical evidence, that I'm done.
When I left it all happened very rushed and quick. There wasn't much energy or time to do it properly, so this is me trying, to do it properly. With a lot of the feels more settled. 

As an ending to it all, I'm using all the good footage from my time there & I've made it into two video, in some kind of artsy vlog style. (they are at the buttom & also on my Youtube-channel.)
 I'm making another post where I'll feature some of my favourite shots from photo trips and memories around Poland, mostly Lublin. They will also occasionally show up on my instagram. 

I’ve also written a little letter. I’m writing it to Poland, as a symbol of what I would say if my time in Poland was a person.
I will publish that later this week. 

This is part 1 of my closure with Poland. I'm calling the series: when things doesn't go as expected.

So here are two small videos - or memories as I would like to call them, from my time in Poland.
I hope you like them as much as me.

xoxo Line